I was very excited to get to go with Javi to a bunch of stuff this weekend where the peeps at UT Law wined and dined us, well mostly Javi.
Socializing with some of the law students and some of their girlfriends got me thinking. It seemed like the people who were already law students immediately thought of me as a lesser entity of Javi or just as a lesser individual. Granted, this was mostly by drunk people at one party, most of whom seemed like outright douches anyway, but still. I hadn't thought about how I would be treated as Javi's girlfriend who isn't going to law school.
The other thing that threw me off was meeting a couple other girlfriends of law students or soon to be law students. These women seemed to be in awe of their boyfriends. While I am very proud of Javi and all that he has accomplished, I still see him as my equal. I look up to him in so many ways, but I don't think he is better than me. I know he doesn't think he's better than me. He has made that very clear in many ways. He treats me as though he respects me as an equal and has even talked about me going to law school. He knows I could if I wanted to, so my ability to be in a similar situation as him is not in question. So I'm not upset with him at all. I know this is more something that is coming from other people or from my own insecurities. But it did get me thinking.
I know that there are some couples where the woman is going to be working to support the couple while he's in school or waiting at home to do things for her man. This is clearly not a role I am ready to fill (or will ever be ready to fill) or one that Javi expects me to fill. But I can tell already that my insecurities could get in the way when attending events with law school people. I don't know how to go about being comfortable with myself when comments, looks, etc are coming from people in Javi's class or their loved ones. I know this is more or less my ranting, but I really am concerned about constantly feeling like I have to prove myself to a bunch of people I probably don't really care about. I know that going to UT Law is a very prestigious thing and I am so proud that Javi is going there. But I feel like pursuing my interests and my career through graduate school is no less prestigious. I want to feel comfortable with that when around the inevitable douchebags that come with UT Law. And I assume this will be a problem for the rest of my life as I will have to deal with the inevitable douchebags lawyers that Javi will work with or that just exist in the world.
That's my piece for now. Any thoughts? Any advice?
Well then. Let me be the first to say that you are spot on in terms of my opinion of you-- you are a smart capable person and because of that you are best suited to pursue your passion. It is not so much an issue of COULD you go to law school, but rather SHOULD you.
ReplyDeleteI know you are well aware of my views that no one person is worth more human stock than others simply because of money, employment, or other prestige. I am impressed with you more because of who you are, not what you've done.
I guess my advice would be to be yourself and be the best Caelie you can be. If you're comfortable and proud of what you've done then that is what really matters. People who think law school is the pinnacle of prestige (it's not) and would look down on other fields really deserve the deprecation. Keep your head up :)
here's my advice: brush them haterz off. these law students (except javi, of course ;) sound like the BHP kids when we were undergrads haha ridic. i can totally see this happening though. the bottom line is - if people are treating you as a lesser person, then they're not worth conversing with anyway. give it another try after javi actually starts law school and see how it goes. if you still feel uncomfortable, i think it's fair to say you shouldn't have to go. there has to be SOME other girl in this group who is in the same boat as you, though, you know? so hopefully you'll find someone to click with that you can look forward to seeing in future social events. also, i think if you become comfortable and secure enough with yourself, then what other people think won't be such an issue. they don't know you!!! and for them to judge you in any way just because YOU're not the one starting law school is just ignorant. this makes me think how much it must suck for boyfriends and husbands of GIRLs starting law school. i think guys would take this position harder than girls would.
ReplyDeletelisten to my old girl Eleanor: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
ReplyDelete